The Baby Question

People say that right after you get married the marriage questions disappear and are replaced with the baby question. Family, friends and even strangers begin to nag at you about when you're going to have a baby and don't give you the time to settle in your brand new marriage. It didn't really happen that way with us. I mean, we had the question asked by a few but it wasn't overbearing. The question has come up more recently I've noticed but it's mainly by friends. I think we scared off our families of asking or it could be they all just understand how we feel, I don't know but either way it has been nice to not have the nagging. Dave and I have a lot of the same feelings about having our own kids. When first married, the idea of kids was crazy to us. We were quite freaked out by the idea. Over the past four years it's kind of been the same thing. When it's mentioned we freak! Now, don't think I'm announcing anything like being or wanting to be pregnant because I'm still freaked about most of it! We still feel just as far away from it as four years ago. Lately, I have noticed a change...read on.

I have noticed a change in me and it just dawned on me this morning while getting ready that I totally got snuck-up-on (if that is even a phrase). I'll explain. The change I've noticed is the way I am and feel towards children. For all that know me know that I've always loved children, especially Kaitlin, my little sister. I've worshipped the ground that she's walked on since she was born. But there has been something different that has evolved, I guess we can say, and I think it's because of this last school year as well as my church calling in the primary. I've had a few people ask me if teaching has made me want to have kids less and my answer to them is the opposite of what they expect, no. It has actually opened up and softened my heart to the children of this world tenfold, and has given me a better understanding of them and so much more that is too hard to explain. I feel as if I'm starting to become an advocate for them. A lot of children aren't put into great situations but that doesn't mean they're goners. Adults and other children can have a great impact by actions and words (to a child, actions yell compared to words). Anywho, I don't want to get to far off from my point, but if people want a better world, make a difference in a child's life.

About the being snuck-up-on part, I feel like Heavenly Father has really snuck up on me with these feelings! HA! Over the four years of mine and Dave's marriage, I've had so many fears with the children aspect in my life and two of the biggest ones, among many others, has been bringing a child into this world and all the complications that could happen with and post pregnancy. And it kills me to say it but those fears are beginning to not matter as much as they once did. Yes, I still have a list of about 50 reasons and fears of why I haven't had a desire to rush into being a parent but I can tell ya, Heavenly Father is sneaky. He has His plan that I know I can't change but it is always a great feeling to have that "ah-ha" moment and know he's got a plan for me....